I Can't Sleep So I'm Going To Ramble...

I can't sleep because tonight is one of those nights that my mind just won't shut off even though I want it too. I would call Cody and talk his ear off, (and when he reads this he will probably get after me because I didn't call him) but the signal in his room is terrible so he has to go outside and stand by the dumpster (I refer to it as Dumpster Love and even have a jingle I sing) to talk to me and I'm sure it's pretty cold up there and I already know he's in his pj's so instead I am going to ramble on about everything here and I'm sure it's not going to make much sense because I am rambling and also because it's late and nothing ever makes sense when I type late at night. (How is that for a run-on sentence?)

I feel so entirely blessed right now. I just got done reading a blog about a woman who's husband and 2 1/2 yr old son drowned on her birthday. (Read more about it here.) They were married 9 years, like us, and waited over 5 years to adopt a baby, like us, and it just really got me thinking about life and how lucky I am.

I have an amazing husband that also happens to be my best friend. He knows me better than anyone in the world and I can tell him ANYTHING!! I love him so much. I have 3 beautiful babies that come to us through the miracle of adoption who I wouldn't trade for the world, a wonderful family and ward.I get to stay home and raise our children and not miss a second of their lives, what more could a girl want right? Nothing!!

I guess if I could have one thing right now, it would be a NORMAL LIFE. What's normal you say? Well to me it would be a husband who came home every night, we would eat dinner together and go for a walk, play some games or watch some TV. (I am so oblivious to the outside world right now. I rarely watch TV because who has time to watch TV with 3 very young kids and who can even hear the TV if you have time with 3 kids). Another NORMAL thing would be to not have to have caseworkers always coming to my house to make sure the kids are still alive, I'm feeding them, and they aren't getting beaten. OK so that was a little extreme and I understand that it's required of them to come and do what they do, but I just want the adoption to be over already so that they can officially be ours, have our last name, and I will know for sure they aren't going anywhere, EVER!! It's all pretty much done, the state sent us our "official paperwork" and we have been told multiple times that June 26th is the "official day", but I still don't trust it. It seems like every time we get close there is another delay. I LOVE Mason and Chloe to death, but in a way I can still feel myself holding back and loving them with every thing I have because I'm so afraid of getting hurt. I'm sure it all stems from all of our other failed adoptions and I shouldn't be worried and have no reason to be, but I JUST WANT IT TO BE DONE!!

Speaking of wanting it to be done here is another one of my  TOO MUCH INFORMATION MOMENTS!!! I am so ready to be done with the tampons!!!  I have never had a regular period (all a part of my wonderful PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome, the main reason for my infertility) so when I do get them they last FOR-EV-ER!! So I started the end of February and it kept going and going and going just like the blasted energizer bunny. Finally I gave in and made an appt. with the OB/GYN.  My dear sweet Molly who I absolutely love was booked out an entire month so I had to see Ms. Whatever-her-name-is. So she put me on my regular dose of Provera,which get this!!! It makes you have a period!! So I had about a week off and then BAM! It's baaack!!

I won't go into anymore details for the sake of scarring you for life, but did I mention that our basement flooded for a THIRD TIME last month? Do you want to know why? Because apparently there is a low spot in out main sewer line and the tampons from my Dear Aunt Flow decided to settle there so when we drained the bathtub it came up the drain in our laundry room and went under our stairs and into the family room (which is still in shambles because we were still waiting for everything to dry when Cody left). So my word of advice: DO NOT FLUSH YOUR TAMPONS!!!

On a side note: The first flood in this house (we had a previous flood in our old house due to a rose bush and a dear sweet husband) was from a leaky water heater valve which flooded the northwest corner of our basement (bedroom, bathroom, hall), the second flood was from our outside faucet which was angled wrong so it froze and broke so when Cody washed his truck for the first time one spring it was like having a sprinkler system go off inside your house for 20 min and that got the northeast (bedroom, family room) part of our basement. We were recently just talking about how the only part of our basement that hadn't flooded was the only part that had a drain, bad idea because that's the part that flooded this time (laundry room, storage and part of family room). Due to our previous floods our deductible is now $5000 (use to be $500) and there is only one company in the entire universe that will even insure us, so we didn't even bother to tell them about this one. We just called in a lot of favors.

On a lighter note conference was also amazing this weekend. There were so many talks that were like WOW!! Cody and I talked about them afterwards and it was like they were meant just for the two of us. I can't wait for them to come out so I can read them again and again. I don't know how people can watch and listen to conference and not feel the spirit and not know that the CHURCH IS TRUE!! I'm so thankful for a living Prophet on the earth, he is amazing and funny!!

Speaking of funny I had Mason and Chloe in the tub tonight and Mason pretended to blow his nose on the washcloth and then said "GROSS". It was hilarious because I had never heard him say it before and I say it all the time when I'm wiping their noses and changing their poopy bums. All in fun and it makes them laugh and now he's copying me. I also noticed that Chloe is getting another tooth, This makes number 12!! She is about due for a little haircut too because her bangs are starting to get in her eyes.

Gavin has been asking a lot of questions lately too because we have been talking a lot about the upcoming adoption. He knows he's adopted, we have always been upfront with him and told him that he is very special because he has two mommy's and daddy's and that he didn't grow in my belly, but he did grow in our hearts. He was watching Kung Fu Panda 2 (one of his current favorites) and he said to me "That's not Poe's real dad just like you are not my real mom." Talk about a dagger to the heart. He didn't mean it to be hurtful at all and I knew this day would come, but I didn't think it would come so soon. He did go on to say that he didn't want to have 2 mom's and that he just wanted me to be his mom which made me feel so much better, but it got me thinking how are we going to explain all of this to Mason and Chloe? Gavin's mom was 14 and had no way of supporting a child, especially on her own, but Mason and Chloe had parents, that were married, who just happened to make some really bad choices. I guess we still have time to figure it all out and decide what the best way to go about it is. Any suggestions?

Ok I think I officially have my mind all cleared out and on here and after all of this I'm probably going to read this later and wonder what the heck I was doing and delete it, but for now it's all right here so that I can go back to bed and sleep!!  Nighty Night!! Sleep tight, don't let the dust midgets bite!